What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

My relatives used to always ask me this question when I was married. One of them even said, “Go have children, your mum says it is the only thing (meaning a grandchild) missing in her life.” Like, it was a very easy thing to do and it was the only thing women are good for. Yes, our bodies are designed to hold a foetus and bring it out into the world, but that does not mean that motherhood is the only goal a woman should have.

I grew up in a culture and society where a woman must get married at 25 and have kids. When I married my ex at 31, everyone including colleagues kept on pestering me if I was pregnant yet.

They would tell me how beautiful it is to have children. That having them is good because they can take care of you when you get old. Being a mother is a rewarding feeling for most women. Someone calling them “mama”, or “mummy”, the cuddles and kisses must be nice. But I never imagined myself as a mum.

My ex kept going on about having kids. He really wanted to have them. Their names were already decided. He even thought that they will be a great solution for his drinking problem. He used to tell me that he’d quit drinking and smoking once I got pregnant. After 2 cycles of IUI (intrauterine insemination) and thousands of pounds, nothing. My womb was still empty and he was still a t**t.

Not having a child with him was a blessing. I never believed that he will change. He will still be the same alcoholic a***hole. I used to blame myself for this. But I think if I got pregnant and stayed married with him, I would not be the only one miserable. I am so glad that child will never be born to a horrible father.

After that awful part of my life, I decided to put myself first the others second, and no that does not mean I am selfish. It is the exact opposite. If you love yourself enough, then you will have the will to love and care for others.

Anyway, I got a little off topic there 😉 but getting pregnant and raising a family is not the only role a woman has. Everyone is free to do whatever they want. This is my life and this is my body. I’ll get pregnant if I want to.

So if anyone asks you the question, “When are you going to have children?”, you say, “when I want to”.

Good night!!